Every parent wants to raise a confident child. One who is independent, who approaches
new challenges with enthusiasm and who is proud of his accomplishments. A confident
child is a child with high self-esteem, an individual who values and likes himself.
The key to raising a confident child is to ensure that your child is strong in self
belief. Your child's self-esteem drives his behaviour. If a child has high self-esteem,
he will behave in ways which make him value and like himself even more. Children
who have low self-esteem tend to act in ways which confirm that they are no good
and it will take much effort to convince them that they can do better!
Generally, you can help to enhance your child's self-esteem by helping your child
attain feelings of self-satisfaction. This can be done through fulfilling the four
conditions of connectiveness, uniqueness, power, and role modelling.
A sense of connectiveness refers to a child's feeling that he is connected to something
or someone. Your child needs to know that something or someone important belongs
to him, for example, mommy and daddy. He also needs to know that the people and
things that he is connected to are regarded highly by others. Helping your child
feel connected to his own body and teaching him to trust his body to work for him
is also important when you are trying to establish your child's self-esteem.
What You Can Do:
- Show affection through physical contact and positive facial expressions
- Tell your child in words that you feel good about him
- Praise specifically, for example, "Daddy likes it when you talk softly to your
brother."
- Help your child understand the consequences of his behaviour, especially when
you see his positive behaviour having a good effect on others around him
- Share your feelings, your interests, hobbies, activities and family experiences
with your child
- Listen to your child without judging him all the time
- Do something for your child that acknowledges his special needs or interests,
for instance, letting him attend art classes when he expresses interest
Having plenty of opportunities to be creative allows your child to learn to enjoy
being different, enhances his sense of uniqueness and self-respect. A sense of uniqueness
means that a child needs to feel special and know that others think that he is special
too.
What You Can Do:
- Encourage your child to express ideas that may be different from your own
- Point out to your child how special he is
- Allow your child to do things in his own way as much as possible and increase
opportunities for your child to express himself creatively
- Avoid ridiculing or shaming your child
- Help your child find acceptable ways to express himself. For instance, let him
know drawing on the wall is not acceptable but he may draw on the white board
Help your child feel he has an influence on what happens in his life. To ensure
that your child would feel comfortable when fulfilling his responsibilities, it
would help if he knows how to make decisions, solve problems and knows how to deal
with pressure and stress so as not to lose self-control. If your child believes
that he can usually do what he sets out to do and is in charge of important things
in his own life, he will achieve a good sense of power.
What You Can Do:
- Educate your child on issues of personal responsibility. For instance, when your
child is angry, let him know that he is personally responsible for how he is feeling
and his behaviour when he is angry.
- When planning activities for your child, provide plenty of choices
- Help your child be aware of how he makes decisions
- Teach your child better ways to solve problems
- Plan activities so that your child has plenty of opportunities to experience success.
In particular, when he shows that he can do something well, allow him to do it
- Help your child set limits for himself and others
When your child associates with a role model, he is more confident of his ability
to differentiate right from wrong, and good from bad. He will be able to make sense
of what is going on in his life and will know the standards by which his performances,
in the areas of school and home, are evaluated. As a result, he will become conscious
of what goals are and work towards them, building up his confidence as his experience
broadens. New experiences will no longer be intimidating.
What You Can Do:
- Help your child understand the values he believes in and share your values with
your child
- Help your child set reasonable and achievable goals for himself
- Let your child know your expectations, and make performance standards clear
- Be a good role model for your child
- Help your child broaden his range of experience
Confident children usually grow up among people who are themselves confident. Love
your child and don't live your life through him. Give him the confidence that he
needs to explore the world around him and to develop into a unique individual.
This article is provided by KK Hospital - Singapore’s leading Women and Children’s
Hospital. Please visit www.kkh.com.sg for more information.
